She Was Never the One Who Got Things Just for Herself
Until the day she walked into my studio in Haddon Heights, New Jersey
Marianne is 26. She flew in from Alabama for her bachelorette weekend in Philadelphia. The group did the usual things like dinner, dancing, staying up too late laughing. And then everyone flew home.
Except Marianne.
She had one extra day that she had planned to do something special for her Fiance, or so she thought.
The third daughter of five
There is something that happens when you grow up in the middle. Not the oldest, who gets the first of everything. Not the youngest, who gets the last of everything which somehow always feels like extra. The middle ones learn early how to disappear a little. How to make do. How to wait their turn and then quietly stop expecting it to come.
Marrianne was the third daughter in a family of five girls. By the time things filtered down to her like attention, hand-me-downs, a moment that was truly hers, there was not much left. Her sisters were louder. Funnier. More dramatic in all the ways that got noticed. Marrianne learned to be low-maintenance. She called it being easy-going. Looking back, she called it something else.
She told me all of this in the first fifteen minutes into her session.
That is how it usually goes. They open up as they feel more relaxed and realized they deserve something special. They come here because something in them finally said It’s ok.
She booked the session as a wedding gift for her Fiancé
That is what she told herself. It is what she put in the contact form. It is technically true, she is getting married and she wanted to give him something that he would never expect.
But sitting across from me after she saw her pictures, she said something that stuck with me.
"I think I mostly needed to do this for me. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that."
You are absolutely allowed to say that.
In 24 years of doing this work, I have photographed thousands of women. The gift for the partner is real. And underneath it, almost always, is a woman who has spent a long time giving and not receiving. Who has been low-maintenance and easy-going until the day she quietly wonders if anyone sees her.
Marrianne needed to be seen. Not because her fiance does not see her…he clearly does. But because she had not fully seen herself yet. That is a different thing entirely.
What boudoir photography actually does and what it doesn't do for you
I want to be honest with you, because I have seen a lot of content in this industry that promises things photography cannot deliver.
A boudoir session will not fix your relationship with your body. It will not erase 26 years of being overlooked. It will not hand you confidence you have never had.
What it can do is show you something true.
When you are in front of my camera, guided by someone who knows exactly how to pose a woman's body so she looks like the most real, most beautiful version of herself, something shifts. Not because I have a magic lens. And sometimes the most powerful thing is to see your own face looking back at you and realizing you are special.
Marrianne did have a few tears when she looked at her pictures that day.
She looked different than she expected. In a great way. And she got to choose exactly whatever she wanted because she could. That’s something she never really was able to do most of her life.
What her session looked like
Marrianne had never done anything like this before. She was nervous. She said she was "not photogenic" a few times before we even started, which I hear often and which I respectfully disagree with every time.
Photogenic is not a quality some people have and others don't. It is my skill to find the light, the angle, and the expression that makes a woman look like herself at her absolute finest. That is what I do. That is all I do.
We started slow. We talked. I showed her a few poses, explained what I was doing and why. By the third outfit, she had stopped saying she was not photogenic. By the end of the session, she was laughing.
When she watched the slideshow of her pictures one by one, she went quiet in the way that means something landed. And she had a little smile on her face.
She picked her favorites. She bought a beautiful album for her fiance. But like she agreed, it really is for her.
That second part was the first time in a long time she had done something just for herself and not apologized for it. Or felt guilty for having something new and nice.
If you've never been the girl who got things just for herself
This one is for you.
Not for the woman who has always known she was worth being photographed. For the one who has been easy-going so long she forgot what she actually wanted. For the one who keeps saying she will do something like this after she loses the weight, after the wedding, after things slow down.
There is no after. There is just now, and whether you are willing to take up a little space in it.
Marrianne flew back to Alabama with photographs that will be in her home for the rest of her life.
She told me before she left: "I didn't know I needed this until I was in the middle of it."
That is the most common thing I hear. And it is always true.
A few things to know if you're considering a boudoir session at Jules Secret
You do not need to be a certain size, age, or shape. I have photographed women in their 20s and their 60s, size 2 and size 24. The pictures look different for each woman because each woman is different and that is the entire point.
You do not need to have done this before. Almost everyone who walks through my door is doing it for the first time. I will guide every part of it. You just show up.
Out-of-town clients are welcome. Marrianne Ubered in from her Philly hotel on a Tuesday morning around 8:30. . We were done by 2:30. If you are visiting the South Jersey or Philadelphia area and you have been thinking about this, I am worth adding to your itinerary.
The session is a few hours. You choose you pictures the same day. The photographs last the rest of your life. That math has always made sense to me.
If you have been thinking about booking a boudoir session, whether it is for someone you love or simply because a small voice inside you keeps saying now, this is where you start.
Book your private consultation at julessecret.com
Or call the studio directly at 856-696-3968 or text 856-305-6008
I would love to hear your story.
JulesJules Secret Boudoir PhotographyHaddon Heights, NJ | Serving South Jersey and the Philadelphia area
Jules Secret is located at 222 W. Atlantic Ave., Haddon Heights, NJ 08035.
Sessions are by appointment only. Jules Bertonazzi is a professional photographer with 24 years of experience specializing in boudoir and beauty portrait photography for women.